Risky Dreaming

written 6/22/10

All my life, I have loved making lists, planning events that I knew would never happen, and coming up with ideas to solve problems that I knew I could never really carry out. Now my job as a Peace Corps volunteer is to do all of those things, and then make them actually happen. I am finally in a situation where all my dreaming and list making and planning and organizing could actually make a difference and lead to real action and change- and it scares the heck out of me. I have been at site for a little over a week, and already I have project ideas whirling around in my head and filling up pages in my notebook- but will I be able to turn them into a reality? Am I really capable of that? What if I fail? Will I be taken seriously? What if no one is interested? What if they are interested, but I can't make it really happen, and I get people's hopes up for nothing? What if all I'm really good at doing is dreaming? It is a little frightening to be given the opportunity to do something you always wanted to do. Dreaming is easier than doing, and it would be easy to turn back and keep my ideas and dreams safely in my notebook where they have no chance to succeed or fail. A life in a notebook, however, is no life at all for a dream, so I will choose to let them out, and no matter how painful, I choose to see if they will take flight. If they don't, then at least I will know that I have tried, that I was brave enough to put myself out there. If they do, though, then I stand a chance of making the difference in the world that I have always hoped to make. It's a risk I'm willing to take.